seek advice on areas
that you DO NOT LIKE
to seek advice on
Move Far Away
That’s right. To increase your dating success, relocate your residence. Just pick up and move.
This is a little ridiculous, of course. Shouldn’t I give you more practical dating advice? Perhaps, but let’s face it. If you’re enjoying this blog, you’re beyond repair!
Honestly though, if you’re already thinking of moving, consider these advantages for dating:
- Moving gets you excited about socializing, beyond just dating. You’re forced to meet new people regularly, which is a good thing.
- People generally like transplants. Even hard-to-please New Yorkers are intrigued to hear that I’m from Los Angeles, and they usually ask me how the two cities compare. Your experiences where you came from, even the silly and common stuff, is a great conversation topic, especially on a date.
(Personally, I enjoy getting raised eyebrows from people here when I explain that after living in LA, the best American city, I wanted to see what NYC, the second-best American city, is all about. Yep, I can be an ass.)
- Your relocation journey will be more intriguing if your change of scenery is more drastic. Dallas to San Antonio isn’t much of a change, but Dallas to Boston definitely is, as is Dallas to a small town on the beach in southern France.
Don’t just move, but move far away to some place dramatically different. This is easier said than done, of course, yet people accomplish this all the time.
- Leave your dating history —which are mostly failures, I bet— behind. When you’re in a new city far away, you will feel like a new person. Getting a fresh new start is priceless, especially in dating.
- You can even meet a fellow transplant and explore the new city together. How cool is that?
As for myself, it’s been over a year since I moved from The City of Angels to The City That Never Sleeps. I’m not seeing anyone right now, but generally dating is better here. That’s probably because I feel renewed and motivated, despite that I’m awkward as ever. Hooah!
The excuses are endless for not living alone. You can’t afford it. You’re saving money. You’re still in school. You’re not fully employed. Your parents want you to stay home or they “need” you there. You need to look out for your siblings.
Or the worst excuse: You really, really like your roommates. Your place is an extension of a frat house or a sitcom, or you’ve been trying to make it that way.
Hardships such as unemployment or caring for a loved one aside, these excuses are all bull. If you’re a working man, you need to live like one, especially if you’re in your late twenties or beyond.
Why is living alone important to your dating life?
First, you obviously want to bring a girl over your place for… chess! Or you want to cook her a nice dinner and watch a movie in the comfort of your own pad, without worrying about non-existent roommates or non-local family.
However, there is something more subtle but still important. A girl might gauge you if you live alone or not. You get more MAN points if you look independent, well-adjusted, and responsible, which fits the description of a dude with an abode all to himself.
Additionally, you don’t look needy, because by living solo you yourself provide all your own needs. You seem settled down, like you’re ready to be in a relationship, one of quality and not a fling like you’re still in your party phase. You’re good.
All this infiltrates the mind of a girl without you even doing anything. You only answered her question, “Do you live alone?” Come to think of it, the majority of my first dates sneaked in this inquiry. That’s interesting.
Of course, this isn’t something you can change overnight. But if you want to improve the dating quality of your life, it is something to consider.
when you do things
you really, really
Get a Dog
There are armies of pretty girls who drool at guys with dogs. I’m serious.
Being a dog owner will lead you to meet girls in quality contexts, like dog parks, play dates and meet-ups, or just walking your dog on a daily basis.
Caring for Fido will show girls that you’re affectionate, loyal, responsible and committed. Forget dating or boyfriend material. You’re husband stuff.
By all means, don’t get a dog only to meet girls. You and Fido will hate each other pretty quickly.
Come to think of it, I’ve never met an uncool dog owner. Cat owners, however…
How would you help a friend who wants to date but is allergic to it?
What would you say to a friend who hasn’t had a date in years, let alone a relationship?
What could you possibly say to your friend that will lead that person to overcome the fear and madness that comes with dating? It’s something you’re not even sure you solved yourself.
How would you show someone to go from non-dating to dating-ready to the third date?
Being able to reach a third date on a consistent basis — perhaps with every other new person you date or more — is the goal here, since the third date can lead to something steady, while the first or second is mainly for ice-breaking.
Politics and economics have their own experts and critics, so they be damned. The lack of quality dating is a pandemic crisis I’m solving here.
What do you think?
Did ya go to a costume party for Halloween?
It didn’t have to be a cray cray booze-flowing, skin-showing shenanigan with a hundred strangers.
(Although, once in awhile, that might be good for you!)
If you didn’t dress up for Halloween, I doubt your seriousness in having fun.
And if you can’t be serious in having fun…
… I doubt your seriousness about dating!
Now that’s scary!
Board of Dating Advisers
In early and mid twenties, I used to get dating advice from my closest friends. They loved me like a brother, and so naturally I trusted their advice.
But my dates didn’t go anywhere. I think I was 0-for-whatever for a few years. It sucked.
What I didn’t realize then was this: My Board of Dating Advisers were too similar to me. They were all male in their mid-20’s with mediocre results in their own romance department. No wonder my results were the same as theirs! Whatever advice they gave, it wasn’t all that great, even though they gave it with the best intentions.
That’s a tough pill to swallow, but let me say it with emphasis: The people who love you the most don’t always give you the best advice. Ultimately, you have to choose which advice to take, and which to ignore. But the people you love are the people you love, no matter what. You just have to keep some things separate.
So I made some serious turnover in my Board of Dating Advisers.
Then I started getting results. Serious results. I started getting dates, so many that I didn’t even know what to do. I even got second and third dates, which was nothing short of a miracle for me. My new Board took a lot of the credit for this incredulous change.
Who were these new Advisers? And what were their advice?
For one, I had a fashion consultant, who introduced me to more form fitting clothes (including skinny jeans) and instructed me to get rid of the boring, solid-color $5 tees I wore all the time. I didn’t realize how much girls considered a guy’s appearance.
Secondly, I had older and more dating-savvy guys in my circle. These men know the tug and nudge aspect of dating, when to go strong and when to go easy, not to mention nothing really substitutes for life experiences. And they weren’t the sleazy, player type either.
Lastly and most importantly, I found some girls who became my barometers for dating. Instead of asking open ended questions, like “How should I ask her out?” or “What should I say?”, I would simply share my idea on approaching a girl, and they would give me their like or dislike. That was ever so crucial.
A wise person seeks advise, but an even wiser person knows which advice to take. So get on it, build (or re-build) your Board of Dating Advisers, cut out the people who are too similar to you, and make sure you have a variety of people there. When you do get suggestions and tips, even though you’re not obligated to follow it, take it into serious consideration. Go back to them, report your field activities, and obtain evaluation from them.
And remember, you can always have me, your friendly dating blogger, as your trusty, slightly quirky adviser.
(It’s kind of sad that sometimes I like to write and talk about dating more than actually date…)